Take it easy and show respect to others: how start-ups can benefit from radical friendliness – a conversation with Nora Blum

Nora Blum is a psychologist and co-founder of Selfapy, a digital therapy platform that supports people suffering from mental illnesses.

The digital health start-up was recently acquired by HTGF fund investor MEDICE. Her new book is focused on radical friendliness – a notion rarely associated with tough business strategies. In this interview, Nora talks about how mutual respect and authentic values can make a difference, particularly in the early stages of starting a company.

Nora, in your book you talk about how “radical friendliness” not only helps people to succeed in their private lives, but also in a business context. What was the moment you realised that this was the case?

Nora Blum: It wasn’t necessarily a moment, but more of a process. Once I stepped down from the operational management of Selfapy, I reflected on what really made us stand out from the other health start-ups.

The market is extremely challenging and many start-ups have failed. Of course, there is a lot of luck and good timing involved. But looking back, I also think a key factor for us was our ability to build strong relationships – with both our contract partners and our employees. And I really believe that a lot of this had to do with our friendly approach.

Our running of the company was always guided by values – with the aim of ensuring friendly interactions with all our contract partners and other contacts. It was an approach that really paid off. Right from the get-go, we had numerous supporters, an extremely loyal team and many contract partners that wanted to work with us because they liked us. I honestly believe that our attitude – our friendly and our respectful approach – was one of the key reasons we successfully navigated the first few particularly challenging years with Selfapy.

What made the difference during this time?

Nora Blum: In the early stages, you have little capital and experience – you are heavily reliant on the goodwill of others. People who are willing to take a leap of faith with you, perhaps by signing a contract with you despite your company still being relatively young. Or people who are prepared to share their knowledge with you without immediately expecting something in return.

Luckily, we had many such people around us – and I’m convinced that this was down to our friendly approach. It created an environment in which others were happy to help us.

Company founders might be worried about coming across as too friendly in tough negotiations with investors or business partners – perhaps concerned they might get a worse deal. How can you be friendly and still get your way?

Nora Blum: Friendliness doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone and accepting every condition. Far from it. We can be tough negotiators and represent our interests clearly and assertively while also remaining respectful. I think it is a common misconception that being friendly means you simply go along with everything.

If we do not represent our interests, then we are not being fair to ourselves, nor are we being smart entrepreneurs. Friendliness also involves setting out boundaries. The real skill lies in being able to do so while at the same time remaining friendly and respectful.

In the early stages, you often have to deal with strong pressures, uncertainties and setbacks. What attitude should you adopt to tackle these issues constructively?

Nora Blum: I’m a big fan of Simon Sinek’s book “The Infinite Game”. We need to start seeing companies and business as a kind of game – one that is important but which we play in a relaxed manner while also taking a step back from time to time. We otherwise become too obstinate and make our self-worth too dependent on the success of the company. If we fight too hard for success, we sometimes lose the perspective to rearrange things – for the purpose of creativity and pivots, for example.

It is important to approach a process with a degree of ease and levity to ensure that we don’t end up frustrated and give up too early due to exhaustion. This is easier said than done. But it helps to view the process of starting a company with joy and excitement, and to take a step back every now and then, instead of being too stubborn when working towards an objective.

With Selfapy, you were working in a sector where there were a lot of obstacles when you first started out. What role did friendliness play in overcoming such resistance?

Nora Blum: Friendliness is particularly important whenever you are not met with open arms and cheers. When we started out with online therapy, we were met with a lot of resistance – particularly in the field of psychotherapy. Today, digital therapy services are well-established as a standard therapy option in all guidelines. Back then, however, we were often viewed very critically.

We always tried to remain in dialogue – without responding aggressively. Tough criticism is often an expression of concern. Once we are able to recognise that, we can be respectful in our response.

Over the years, we’ve also worked with our competitors in a spirit of partnership There’s no point in working against each other, particularly in sectors where you want to bring about change, amend laws or you have overarching goals. This friendliness and willingness to maintain a dialogue have ultimately helped the entire industry.

And what does this approach look like inside a company? What can radical friendliness do for the culture of a team?

Nora Blum: A friendly team culture boosts motivation, creativity and productivity. This is extremely important, especially amidst the day-to-day stress of a start-up. And here it is worth reiterating: friendliness does not mean shying away from critical feedback. Quite the opposite. Transparency and respectful communication are essential for avoiding conflict.

I myself used to think that being friendly simply meant saying nice things. Today I know this to be a fallacy. True friendliness is shown in the ability to address difficult issues – in a manner that remains fair and respectful.

If you could give your younger self one piece of advice before starting your first company, what would it be?

Nora Blum: Don’t take things too seriously. A relaxed approach really can make the difference.